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Don't ask me why, but on a drive home some time before the winter break began I had Wendy ask what I find attractive in a girl. I named off four or five qualities that seemed fairly broad, yet after the brief silence that followed she claimed that I was "too picky". I'm not really sure what made her think my choices are so picky, but they pale in comparison to some of the things I heard others say during high school. Guys who only wanted to date a girl if she was, for example, 1.7 - 1.75m and 54kg with blonde hair. Quite absurd, really.

While physical appearance has some bearing on perception¹ it doesn't seem as important to me as personality traits anymore. Oh sure, there's nothing to say that my views are any better than what gets advertised at the check-out counter of the local grocery store, but if I'm going to be a fool I might as well be a hopelessly idealistic fool. Thinking up my list for Wendy, there was one particular girl I had in mind that seemed the ideal fit, but having told her about my feelings already it's just a matter of waiting to see what the future brings.

Hearing Wendy's response to my answer, I then asked what qualities she looked for in a guy. Her reply? She was interested in dating a picky guy. Whether she meant me or someone else altogether is certainly open to debate. This does raise the question though - what does everyone else hold important in terms of finding others attractive?

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¹ Check out Goffman's "The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life" for a sociological description.

Comments

( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
i_phianassa
Jan. 1st, 2007 01:28 am (UTC)
I hope you find a girl who makes you happy. :)
samedi
Jan. 2nd, 2007 04:25 am (UTC)
Moi aussi. Merçi, Isabelle.

Peut-être je crois que je l'ai trouvée, mais parfois il semble qu'elle m'aime et parfois qu'elle ne m'aime pas. Et si tu es curieuse, je suis écrivant en français parce qu'elle est une "amie" içi (sa nom commence avec la même lettre de ton surnom) mais elle comprend seulement l'anglais et la coréen. ;)
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samedi
Jan. 4th, 2007 12:07 am (UTC)
You can ask me to translate from French any time you want . Mind if i can ask you to translate from Korean too? I told her that I did find someone who makes me happy, but that the situation can be confusing. I didn't mention any details, but did want to say that I don't have to look far to find a great girl.
(Deleted comment)
samedi
Jan. 22nd, 2007 09:46 am (UTC)
The one that has me most interested is from 29 December. I tried to use online translation sites to get the general idea of what you were talking about, but they usually have a lot of problems when it comes to Korean.

With all the time I had between finishing community college and starting university classes I really wish that I'd taken Korean lessons back in Olympia.
lilisullivan
Jan. 2nd, 2007 09:31 pm (UTC)
moi je comprends, moi je comprends lalala lalèreeeeuh :)
samedi
Jan. 3rd, 2007 01:36 am (UTC)
Ah, ben. Je suis étonnant que je peux parler français encore. Je ne l'utilise jamais ... sauf pour lirant du foot français et içi sur livejournal. ;)
caiyuemei
Jan. 1st, 2007 01:39 am (UTC)
i don't think i'd mind dating a picky guy - it probably means he at least has morals and is not shallow (depending on what he's being picky about, i guess).

i think the number one thing for most people in finding the other sex attractive is the presence of confidence.
samedi
Jan. 2nd, 2007 07:04 am (UTC)
Yeah, the problem is finding out what they're picky about. I mentioned things like intelligent, caring, and thoughtful - and while I wouldn't mind finding someone who is also interested in swing dancing or tango, it's not necessarily that important.

Confidence is something I need to work on. My last girlfriend left me second-guessing so often that now it's routine for me to worry more than I should.
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samedi
Jan. 2nd, 2007 07:11 am (UTC)
Do you think she likes me? I might have to ask her about that when she gets back from vacation ...
I agree that it's hard to find someone who likes you back. I've never really told a girl that I liked her before, so this is all new to me too. I suppose there's a reason why the girl doesn't like me back, but it's hard to guess.
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samedi
Jan. 4th, 2007 12:16 am (UTC)
It sounds like asking Wendy is too awkward. I'm curious why she asked me that question, but at the same time I don't want to give her the wrong impression. Thanks for pointing that out.

Yeah, I didn't explain that very well. I wanted to say that I've never told a girl that I like her without first knowing how she felt about me ... but it didn't come out that way. You're right to disagree, since you've heard me tell a girl that I like her.
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samedi
Jan. 7th, 2007 04:46 am (UTC)
That's the best suggestion I've heard on how to ask her about it. Or I can start asking her about what she likes in guys and then ask her about it when she's done talking about her own answers?

And I know what you mean about speaking too fast. It's awkward enough the first time - any more is just painful. hehe.
lilisullivan
Jan. 2nd, 2007 09:28 pm (UTC)
What do you find attractive in a girl?
samedi
Jan. 3rd, 2007 10:11 am (UTC)
The things that stand out most are personality traits: caring, intelligent, thoughtful, and interested in more than just one subject (which should make for better conversations?). Finding a girl who likes to read and swing dance would also be nice - but those are secondary preferences.

What do you find attractive in a guy?
lilisullivan
Jan. 3rd, 2007 10:28 am (UTC)
Well well same thing: caring intelligent...
He has to have a great sense of humor, i really couldn't be with someone who doesn't make me laugh.
And, i'm sorry but the physic counts too, that what i see at first sight so.... he has to have beautiful eyes and a great smile.
And they say YOU are picky lol
samedi
Jan. 5th, 2007 12:05 am (UTC)
A sense of humor is also important for me, but I can't remember if it's something I told Wendy when she asked me her question. Sometimes I hear people say that physical appearance doesn't matter, but when I ask if they would date someone who never takes showers they always say 'no' ... so I think it's important for everyone. héhé.

I don't know what physical traits are most attractive to me though. A great smile is always nice to see.
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )