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floating away

I must have spent close to an hour on the phone with Wendy this morning.

During our conversation we talked about the preparations for dinner tonight, and after we sorted everything out I asked if she really had been serious about going on a date with her boyfriend last night. Her answer? Yes. Wendy said that when she had asked me last Friday about liking her or Violet that was from trying to decide which direction she should take, because another guy had said that he liked her. I was also told that Wendy had liked me for several months, but that she hadn't seen anything that made it seem like I liked her in return. I asked about the two times I had kissed her, and her reply was that she sees friends kiss each other to say "hello" all the time when she's in the southern United States with her sister. She was also disappointed in having waited so long - the other guy is someone that she's only known since the start of the semester and it only took one date for him to ask her to be his girlfriend. As Wendy described it, we have two very different attitudes.

Had I known how she felt I would have said something to Wendy back in September. But then, isn't it always easier to wish you'd done something differently in the past? I can't believe how stupid I am.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
flaxendandelion
Feb. 26th, 2006 10:32 pm (UTC)
I know the feeling, man. You always wish you could do what you wouldn't do then and can't do now. You're not stupid, you're just human.
samedi
Feb. 28th, 2006 01:14 pm (UTC)
Thank you for pointing that out. It's strange to go from thinking you may be assuming too much to realizing you weren't assuming enough. One of the things that keeps life from being dull, I suppose.
i_phianassa
Feb. 26th, 2006 11:32 pm (UTC)
It's hard to know what to do. Things that seem so obvious months later were confusing as hell in the moment.
samedi
Feb. 28th, 2006 01:22 pm (UTC)
I've heard it said that hindsight is always 20/20, and it is much easier to be objective when you're looking back into the past ...
rurisue
Feb. 27th, 2006 07:23 am (UTC)
I think you shouldn't give up.

I don't think it should be something where you make her uncomfortable or whatever, but if you like her, well, now it's all out in the open. She probably hasn't *stopped* liking you yet, especially if she's only just now decided to be with this guy, and if that was AFTER asking your opinion.

I think you should explain your feelings, that you were waiting for confirmation from her about her feelings because her friendship means so much to you and you wouldn't want to lose that. That you liked her all along, but were never sure if she saw you in that way. Was her teasing meant to be teasing or flirting? Did the age difference mean anything to her? Was she even looking for a relationship? You were trying to figure that out, because you really care about her. Did you even consider your 'dates' actual, romantic 'dates', or were they friend-dates, where two people (who apparently had secret crushes on each other) ate and talked and got to know each other... And realized they liked each other, quite a bit. But didn't want to mention it for fear of ruining something special that was already developing. Something that maybe takes longer, but don't the best relationships begin with friendship?

Tell her about Eric and I, how we skirted around each other since early 2004, and just began dating in the summer of 2005. We wanted to make sure that this was something that could last, because why enter into a doomed relationship? And it's made us stronger, and our love only grows every day, even if we argue constantly. =)

I don't think you should do anything to hurt her or needlessly confuse her to the point of frustration. But I don't think you should give up. You've got a longer history with her, and a fully developed friendship. Sure, you might've missed out on months of 'romance', but you were able to focus on each other in ways that a romantic relationship doesn't allow. Joel and I were never really friends before we dated. We weren't close, and so it blinded us to some major differences that it took us four years and many tears to see, and accept. Friendship is the base for any healthy, positive relationship. You have that base, a pretty damn good one. So let her know how you feel, that even if she says it's too late, you're not going to give up. Your relationship is stronger than that, and more important than that. After all, giving up just means that she was right, that it was too late. But rarely does a female actually mean that, especially in a case like this. If there's an attraction, she'll still want you to 'fight' for her. Even if that 'fighting' is just telling her that you want a chance to develop something more. That you waited long enough, too, damnit, and it's time to give this a chance. Because really, it's never too late.

... This is, of course, assuming you won't be pursuing anything with Violet. By the way, how was your walk with Victoria?

Aaaaah, complications.
samedi
Mar. 5th, 2006 12:45 am (UTC)
We talked about some of this earlier in the week, but Wendy made a point of telling me how she sticks by her decisions once she makes them - even if she later finds out that it wasn't for the best. And telling me "it's too late now, go for Violet before it's too late again" suggests that she won't change her mind any time soon.

I did ask her about if there had been anything she had done to hint that she liked me in return and was told that she would never tell a guy if she liked him - not even if she "loved him enough to die for him" - which probably doesn't make things any easier.

As for Violet, who knows? There were a couple of times when we were spending the night together that I would try to touch her arm and she would usually pull away - but she also seems to get that way when she's going to sleep or waking up anyway. I mean, she did invite me to visit Seattle with her during spring break, and she's also the reason why I skipped class on Thursday [cue story below] ...

Violet saw me leaving Fulmer on her way home and waved hello before asking where I was going next - when she heard that I was on my way to College Hall she sounded a little disappointed and said that she was going to ask if I wanted to go with her to the store. I figured that if I'm going to skip a class it might as well be 421, you know?

She was looking at me the other night too, for whatever reason, and as soon as I looked over in her direction she turned her head back toward the television set. It was either me, the chair, or staring off into space, as there isn't anything else to draw someone's attention in that part of the room. Hmm ...

Complications indeed!

p.s. You'll never be able to guess which letter of the alphabet starts off the third person's name. How this happens so often is beyond me.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )