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March 2nd, 2006

what are you looking for?

Before having dinner with Wendy, Violet, and Tsukasa on Sunday I received a phone call from Victoria asking if I'd like to go out for a walk with her. As I was in the car with Sue at the time I could only say that it was an appealing idea but that I would call her back as soon as we'd made it home. We never actually went out for a walk, although we did meet at a café to do homework together - although it's worth noting that we're not in any of the same classes. While there Victoria mentioned how she wasn't very happy with her boyfriend and then not five minutes later she asked what it was that I found attractive in Violet and Wendy - a question that I was willing to accept at face value, but which a more cynical person might raise an eyebrow over considering this is coming from a girl who has said in the past that she liked me.

This has always been something that I've felt a little awkward discussing, as it's extremely difficult to come up with a list of characteristics to describe an individual - either real or hypothetical - that makes me feel differently than I would around a normal friend. Most of the time I'm stuck with talking about the things I cherish in my friendships, but that doesn't do much to distinguish between those relationships and that little bit more that creates a romantic spark toward another person. Victoria has never struck me as the type to accept an answer like that, so I named a few of the qualities that I liked in them both, and in doing so I realized that not only wasn't there any overlap in the things I said - which doesn't necessarily mean much - but, perhaps more importantly, that I haven't had any serious conversations with Wendy in all the time we've known each other.

Teasing each other has been fun - and I've always enjoyed being around her - yet it was also a surprise to think about how we've never touched on any philosophical or contentious subjects. In the last week I've had discussions with Violet ranging from nationalism to global commercialization and from polyandry to primatology. It's probably no surprise to anyone who has been reading my journal for a while that my curiosity extends to a number of different areas, and if I'm going to spend a lot of time around someone else it would be awfully nice if they shared a similar variety of interests. This is why Winnie and I don't talk anymore - since, in her own words, "I only want to think when I'm in class ... and maybe at work". There are people who think that way? Plus, I might be over-reacting, but hearing that from someone planning to be a teacher seems a little scary.

However, just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean that I'll never have an intriguing conversation with Wendy in the future. Goodness knows the current situation is a fair sight better than listening to Victoria prattle on and on about nothing in particular. The original question still remains though - what are you looking for?